As Tears Go By (Wong Karwai, 1988) Human’s secret desire to not exist

At Fondazione Prada, there is Cinema Godard located on the outskirts of Milan. Here, one can stumble upon films like “As Tears Go By (1988),” the debut full feature of the legendary director Wong Karwai. Presented in Cantonese with Italian subtitles, I relied solely on my background, having studied at British film school, to grasp all that the film had to offer: its narrative, mise en scène, aesthetics, the world it portrayed, and the central dramatic question it posed.

Through the contexts of the Mafia-gangster setting in Hong Kong in the 1980s, it speaks to us about the truth of life in a neoliberal society. It speaks through time to this year (2024). I sat there injured, feeling like an artist who traded his soul to become a mere engine that drives values quantified solely on an income statement.

It is the story of Wah (Andy Lau), the protagonist, anticipating a visit from Ngor (Maggie Cheung), a distant cousin who has come to undergo some kind of medical operation in Hong Kong. Wah works as an underground debt collector. He has a brother, Fly (Jacky Chung), not a biological sibling, but they love each other as true brothers, with Fly often getting into trouble. After Fly is beaten and severely injured, a friend brings him back to Wah’s room. After administering first aid to Fly, Wah rushes violently to a street restaurant where his enemy is dining. Wah cuts the bloke’s chest with a small knife, symbolizing the deep emotional bond between Wah and Fly. Moments later, we see Wah waiting for his unrequited love, a prostitute dressed in red, symbolizing passion, love, and pain. Wah longs for her love, but she denies him, leading him to express his pain through violence. At home, he breaks furniture. Wong Kar Wai’s signature slow-motion shots immerse us in Wah’s emotional turmoil. After that Ngor is present, and it seems like they fall in love.

In this context, the film prompts me to question my own “freedom.” How free am I truly in my own life? Similar to Wah, who is currently grappling with the conflict between his desires and obligations. Can he start a new life with the woman he loves while leaving Fly behind? In a scene that lasts a couple of minutes, Wah and Ngor spend time together, accompanied by a Cantonese cover of Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” (林憶蓮 — 激情 1987). In that moment, the auteur transports us into the universe of Wah’s profound desires.

However, he also faces with increasing violence brought on by Fly. By involving Fly in selling fried fish balls on the street, a seemingly innocent job, Fly feels a sense of disgrace. Before long, Fly’s inability to handle the shame leads to another confrontation with gangsters, prompting Wah to come to his rescue and ending up severely injured.

Among Sigmund Freud’s strange theories is one that suggests humans’ secret desire to die, seeking liberation from the burdens, pains, as well as joys, changes, and uncertainties in human existence. These complexities can be too precarious to manage. I see Wah’s situation as aligned with this theory. If he chooses to start a new life with Ngor, it could bring him much happiness. However, this decision would also entail leaving Fly behind, a life they have shared since fourteenth, a life holds deep meaning for Wah.

We often encounter mise en scène that challenges reality. For instance, a situations where characters are severely injured but never require hospitalization. However, the absurdity and violence in this film serve to bring us closer to truth. The violence in this film resonates deeply with the audience whose lives in reality mirror the oppression depicted on screen.

As they leave the film, the screen, and the cinema, returning to the streets, buildings, and apartments where they lead their real lives, they are confronted with the harsh realities of their existence. Just like the characters in the film, they feel tossed and beaten down, facing never-ending struggles.

It speaks to me: when it is my turn to follow what my heart desires again, I wouldn’t be able to deal with the dizziness of freedom in my new life, the same way as Wah, who follows Fly to help complete their impossible shooting mission. And so, Wah is murdered. He eventually frees himself from all these burdens related to humanity.